Relearning the lesson of Joy

 13 days after having my port placed the surgical glue came off the incision, which was to be expected as it was right on time. But when the glue came off the incision did not look right and the wound was gaping open too much. After looking at it my husband and I decided I needed to run to the ER just to have it checked out just to make sure.  We've never gone through the port process before!  Since it was church time, my Elisabeth was the one to run me to the ER.  She's amazing and so comforting.  I love that girl!  The goal was to get back before preaching.  We pulled in the parking lot as they were dismissing.

At the ER they took pictures of it and were trying to decide if they wanted to stitch it closed or steri strip it. Having more stitches did not sound very appealing to me! They decided to steri-strip it.

Thinking I was good to go we headed to Tampa the next morning for Patrick's board meeting at Florida Baptist College. After that we planned to head to Fort Myers to spend some time with my parents.  In the middle of his board meeting I received a call that they had sent the pictures to my surgeon and he did not like how the incision looked. They wanted me to come back immediately.

When I came back they decided they had to take out the port that it looked infected. To say that I was disappointed was an understatement. The bad part about it is they don't put you in twilight sleep for this one, they just numb you with lidocaine. And that made me even more nervous!

So they wheeled me on the stretcher into the surgical room. I turned my head to the side and they began giving shots in my chest in the port area. My tears just flowed and flowed as I told them I was disappointed this didn't work out. Getting the port out was not a comfortable process. Even though I was numb the pushing and the pulling and the pressure did not feel very good. Not to mention that it was pretty infected so they had to flush it several times and then pack it with gauze.

Since it's infected they had to leave it open and filled it full of ribbon gauze filled with antibiotic. Twice a day my hero husband pulls 2 inches of gauze out, trims it, cleans the area and bandages me back up. Peeling the bandages off twice a day is a killer!

The doctor said when all the gauze comes out he'll then decide if he's going to stitch closed the wound or use the glue again. After that I can decide whether I want a port on the right side again which I can do in about a month or wait about a week and get a port the left side.

 We're praying for the right thing to do! This definitely did not go exactly as planned. I know through this that the Lord is teaching me lessons. And it comes at the right time.  Last month I was asked to be a speaker for a session at a Ladies Conference.  The topic that was given to me is, "How to have joy in your journey and live in the trees rather than wallowing in the dirt." When I was given this topic I started praying for the Lord to give me wisdom and teach what He would have me to.  I began studying and soon a rough outline came on the page.  I was so excited about the topic and what the Lord had given me!  Then, this happened.  I'll be honest.  Joy wasn't at the top of the list.  I was feeling sorry for myself and feeling the pain.  My eyes then focused on me and my pain and disappointment.  Then, the Lord reminded me of this lesson.  He had already given me all the answers!  I just need to put them into practice.  So, this definitely isn't what I had expected, but the Lord knows exactly what I need.  He's so good to me!