The past few weeks I have been making mental "to-do" lists for when I get well. These are things that were once "normal" to me, but lately haven't been really happening. I am a list maker/ goal oriented person, so this was getting exciting for me! Here's a few:
~Be a playful/active Mom. You know the kind I'm talking about....at the park she's not the one sitting and watching quietly (or maybe hollering from a distance), but she is the one challenging her little ones to try and go higher than her on the swings. She demonstrates how to do the monkey bars while giggling. She's making trains with her kids going down the slides. I want to be that Mom again.
~To not put on my jammies until 5 minutes before bed. Josh says he knows when I'm having a not so good day....my baby blue (slightly coffee stained) robe is on. I want to be dressed and ready for my day minus the robe.
~Make a couple of quilty projects a month....not work on one for a year. I look back at my blog and realize how I love to quilt! I love my time while Patrick is watching football or some other sport, my little ones tucked in bed, and I have my sewing machine right there in the middle. I want to sew again, and complete projects.
Well, as I was making my "to-do" list in my head, my devotion time changed my thinking. Let me explain:
I was reading in 2 Chronicles 13. Now, I know this passage isn't exactly talking about Kami Gimenez, it's talking about Abijah and the war he had with Jereboam. But, the principle is true, and I love to make it personal. If I personalize verse 12 it would say, "And behold, God himself is with Kami for her captain....O, Kami, fight ye not against the LORD God"
And then it hit me....I realized that I am dreaming of something God doesn't want for me right now. I am living in a "future if." Well, what about now? What about this moment? If I am not careful, I fight against what He has for me, for this moment in my life.
I love the end of the chapter in verse 18 (personalized again) "and Kami prevailed, because she relied upon the LORD." Prayerfully, one day I will be all the things above, but for now, I need to rest in God's will for my life, seek what His will is for me day by day. Rely on Him. What a comforting thought. God is so good to me!
We women can often live in guilt. We set our sights so high and then when we don't complete our goals, we feel like failures. The Lord is teaching me what it truly means to rely on him. It means He knows best! It might mean that our "to-do's" slightly change.
So for now, I'm going to rest in the fact that God is so good! And for those days I'm in my robe....maybe that son that has noticed will decide that maybe I need an aqua one instead! ;o)
I struggled with a couple years of pretty bad health with young kids and a fibromyalgia diagnosis and then most of the years since with mild issues and occasional flare-ups to more moderate or severe. The beginning of your post with your list of things you'd do when you were well made me uneasy, but that was relieved when you got to where you shared what you had learned. It's a lesson that I learned through my health issues, to be content and focus on where I am now. I may never cross-stitch again because of issues with my hand joints. It's a hobby I wanted to pick up again for years, before finally accepting that wasn't in the cards now and just to move on and stop focusing on it. For me, one of the greatest blessings of my time of significant health issues was to accept where God has me in the present and do my best to live for Him within those parameters.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Kami:
ReplyDeleteYour blog is always such an encouragment! Being a senior (:D) it is very easy for me to think totally in terms of future ifs...especially with my recent health blues. Thanks for the reminder that we are right where God wants us!
Much love, Naomi
PS My bath robe is navy velvet. LOL!
This is a very good post, Kami. It is something that I had not really thought of before, but I have felt that guilt at times. Never thought about the fighting against God part. Rest in Him--that is so comforting, to just lie back and relax in His will even though how hard it is to do sometimes! I sure love you, my friend. Our church people in Karen still bring your name before the Lord every single week begging God for your healing.
ReplyDeleteSo true! Though it is hard to do when we love our "to do lists."
ReplyDeletePraying for you! Hope they get the hint and you get your aqua robe. Aqua is a beautiful color on you.
Congratulations on Josh finishing up his years of homeschooling ... I know it is bitter sweet. I cried a lot too!