While on our little getaway, Patrick and I had time to just talk. Somehow our conversation turned to the time when we were in St. Barths and I got sick. Patrick then talked about getting the phone call that the doctors at the Mayo Clinic suspected cancer. It really threw our world upside down. From that moment on, the dreams that we had changed.
We had dreamed to see a wonderful, flourishing church on the island of St. Barthelemy. Our dream was to see that work grow and expand and to be a lighthouse for starting other works on french speaking islands all throughout the Caribbean. But, that one phone call really changed that. The days, weeks, months and even years that followed showed that God was closing that door to our dream.
I have to say that over the years I have struggled with guilt. I know that all of this was out of my control, and God has His master hand on the plan for our lives, but still I sometimes struggle. I'm thankful those times are less and less and that God gives me a peace. But out on that canoe, on the very peaceful water of Pickets Lake, I told my husband I was so sorry for those times of worry and changing dreams in our life. That's when he said something I never want to forget. He said,
"Kam, We wouldn't have Here if we didn't have There."
I thought of how true that was for us. Our there was a difficult time. Hearing scary news from a doctor, knowing that God is moving your family, knowing that the place you've been preparing to live your lives and serve the Lord is no longer an option for your family was hard. But, our here....I just can't say enough.
God made us for this place in North Central Florida. He gave us a wonderful home in the country. He has allowed us to make a little mini farm and enjoy animals and hard work and dirt. He's letting us live near our grown children and watch our precious grandbabies grow up. He's given us a chruch family like no other. They love us passionately, and love God even more. Our dream has changed. God gave us a new one and I can't tell you how much we love our here.
I'm not sure who may be reading this. Maybe you are enjoying your very own here. You may look back on your there and think about the difficulties. Maybe you sometimes struggle with guilt like I do. Let me encourage you, dont dwell on your there. Focus on the here and the blessings God has for you today. If you look for them on purpose they will be bold, bright and beautiful as you forge the days ahead in your new dream.
But, just maybe you are in the midst of your there. It's a time you never expected. It's a path that seems filled with fog up ahead and you don't know where it's leading. Let me encourage you, take one step at a time. And in each step walk with Christ as He luminated where you should be heading. It's okay to cry. It's okay to tell God you don't understand. But, don't stay there. Look for the good as you take these steps into the future. Know that God has a plan, even if you don't quite see it at the moment. Live out Romans 8:28 and remind yourself of it weekly, daily, and sometimes hourly. One day you too will be able to say, I'm so thankful for the there. Because,
"We wouldn't have Here if we didn't have There."
"And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28