It's been 8 days since our little one's heartbeat wasn't heard. 8 days since everything in our lives was thrown in a direction we weren't expecting. It's been emotional. In one moment I grieve and think of our little one that I will never hold. The next I sit in absolute thankfulness for the precious people God has placed in my life. Even though my heart is hurting, God keeps giving me peace and telling me, "Kami, you're going to be okay. You're going to get through this."
Saturday was my birthday. My family showered me with love. But still as I went to bed that night, I told Patrick that at times I feel like the sadness is overwhelming. I still hadn't passed the baby.
Sunday was Mother's Day. I looked at my 6 children. How wonderful they are. Yet, my heart was missing my little one. How your emotions can be so conflicting! Patrick had bought flowers for all the mothers at church. At the end of the service he asked that if your Mother was in service, to come and get a flower to give to her. Then, if your Grandmother, or someone that was like a Mother to you. Then, he asked for them to come get a flower and give to someone that maybe their children couldn't be here with them today. I saw my sweet friend come forward sobbing. She took 3 flowers and brought them to me. I can't begin to explain what that meant to me. My 3 babies in heaven are not far from my thoughts. Their lives make me just as much a mother. Even though it was a reminder of that, it was also a comfort. That night I gave a testimony that even though this is such a difficult time for me, God still gives that Peace that passes understanding. That night my Mom arrived. Oh, how I needed her.
Monday was my appointment at the doctor. It was then decided I needed to have a D&C to help me pass the baby. My surgery was scheduled for Wednesday.
Tuesday morning, about 3:30am, I woke up in pain. I wasn't expecting it, but I started to have contractions that could be timed to about 3 minutes apart. Patrick went and got my Mom from the girls room. The two of them stayed with me, brought me a heating pad, rubbed my back, prayed with me, cried with me, and helped me through. I passed our little one the next morning around 9. Tears and peace overflowed again. It's amazing how God knows we need to grieve, yet stays right there with us to help us through.
At the doctors Wednesday, we found out that though I passed the baby, a D&C was still needed because there were remnants left. So, yesterday, I went to have the outpatient surgery and arrived home that night.
Now, as I'm resting on the couch, I look back over these 8 days. I look at them with sadness and tears, but also with a contentment that the Lord gives.
Thank you for the sweet notes and needed prayers. Truly blessed I am.