Sunday, April 28, 2013


Have you ever had a time in your life when you just didn't understand why?  You cry out your heart to God and pray many tears but still just don't understand.  These past couple of months have been that way for me.  It's at times like this that trust is essential.
 Do I truly believe my Heavenly Father knows best?
 Do I truly believe His way is perfect?
 Do I truly believe He has a master plan for me and loves me like no other?
 Oh Yes!  I believe that!

When my pain returned in February, our family was busily trying to reach our island for Christ.  As I slowly got weaker and more unable to do my normal family duties, our whole routine was thrown into a whirlwind.  When it became very apparent that I must come back to Florida for medical care, I had it in my head that when it would be time to return to St. Barths, I would have energy overflowing!  I was going to be ready to tackle the world and be SuperMama.  I was going to feel well.  Well, it's time for me to once again trust that God knows best for me.  I do not feel like my energy is overflowing, and tackling a load of laundry seems like it will be a mountain top.

After seeing two doctors here in Florida, we've discovered a couple of things going on with my body.  My bloodwork is still showing some unusual things. I'm very deficient in a couple of areas.  The doctor gave me a prescription that should fight these deficiencies.  He believes that perhaps once we tackle these, then my body can recover and heal.  For now, my chest pressure is still there.  For some reason, my body is not responding to anti-inflammatory medications.   It's puzzling for the doctors.  As one doctor put it, "You're just not fitting any mold."  The plan is to see how the new set of meds will help (along with a painkiller) and redo my bloodwork in 3 months.  There is also a possibility that my body is developing a Connective Tissue Vascular Disease.  But, there is nothing at the moment to do for that.  So, after much prayer, it's time I return.

I'm so excited to be headed back to see my family.  I'm arriving 2 days before my Callie's birthday.  That's an answer to prayer!  I can't miss my girls 3rd Birthday! I fly out this Friday to head back to St. Barths.

So for now, I'm reprogramming my mind.  I may not be returning well, as I had pictured.  But, I am returning.  And through Christ I can be the Momma and Wife He wants me to be.  Through this time of uncertainty, my God has been my refuge, my best friend.  He's so good to me!

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6


  1. Praying diligently for you, Kami!

  2. Dear Kami, I was touched by your post. It is truly in the difficult moments that we must trust in Him. It can be difficult but God is able and right there by our side. I love the verse you used today. That is one my dear Sunday School teacher wrote in a bible she gave me and it has served me well. I know your family will be as delighted to see you as you will be to see them. Travel safe. Love and blessings. xx

  3. Kami,
    I just came across your post via another blog (Kelly's Korner) and your latest entry was EXACTLY what I needed to read, and have reaffirmation of. You did exactly this! & then I just had to read more of your blog, and of course learn about your amazing and beautiful family!

    I have been doubting myself lately and having a hard time understanding different aspects of my purpose in life. The good ole Mama vs Brigitte role, and trying to keep a good balance betweeen the two. Anyways, your post on Trust just helped to have a deeper understanding.

    I will be praying for your health in hopes the professionals can make you whole again and back to being SuperMama! Sounds like something I would say. Also praying for your family and amazing work in the missions field.

    Hope we can get to know one another. Somehow I feel connected to you.


  4. I'm praying for you and your family as you return to the mission field.

  5. Kami, I will be praying for you extra today! I love you, my friend. I do know know the frustration of that dragging and weak feeling, though I know I don't experience the same pain you do. I pray that God just will heal you completely of it. He is a the best Physician, way better than any Dr. in St. Barth's or in America!

  6. I have been praying for you and thinking of you often, Kami. My husband has even been hearing updates about you from me. :-)

    My husband's uncle is Tommy Ashcraft, missionary to Mexico, and his wife Brenda Ashcraft suffers from lupus. So, we have a small understanding of what lupus is, and we are praying that your body will not progress to that disease.

    However, as you said, "TRUST" is the most important issue... trusting God when we don't understand what He is doing and why He is doing certain things in our life.

    Praying for you as you trust in Him!

  7. Kami, I can't tell you how often you've come to my heart. I have thought about you, prayed for you, put myself in your place, cried a bit, and thought and prayed more.

    Keep clinging to that TRUTH! Trust...Trust in the One who holds you in His hand, is leading you in the perfect plan He has for you, and will give you the grace you need each day. He is doing something wonderful through this trial. The greater the trial, the greater the blessing. Keep resting in Him.

    Sooooo glad you'll be home with your hubby and kiddos soon. They must miss you terribly!

    Praying for you, my friend and love you much!

  8. José van MerrebachMay 1, 2013 at 4:51 AM

    I so do recognize difficult times in life when you just don't understand why.... We had such a time 4 years ago. My dear husband was brought to intensive care after an operation and he almost died.... He was so sick and had bacteria in his entire body....he also broke his neck while he was on IC....He stayed on IC for 6 weeks, another 5 weeks in the orthopaedic section of the hospital and 2 months in a nursing home.....then he came home in a wheelchair....
    The only thing I could do, besides crying a lot, was TRUST the Lord and cry out for His help...
    I'm so touched by your post. I will pray for you and please keep on TRUSTING Him who loves you and knows what's best for you, even when you don't see how and why at the moment.
    With blessings and love, you sister in the Lord,
    José van Merrebach (the Netherlands).