Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Seeking my husband (Heart of the Matter Bible Study)

I’ve had some mixed emotions about writing this post. Part of me was excited to see what the Lord would reveal to me concerning seeking my husband. Then there’s the other part of me that feels guilty. When Patrick and I were first married, I was very romantic. I planned special things for him, wrote him lots of notes, and was very creative. He loved it! Now, fast forward 17 years. We have a wonderful marriage, but sometimes romance takes a backseat to the daily hustle and bustle of kiddos, ministry and just keeping up with the laundry! I have to admit, I feel guilty about not keeping up all the fun, creative things I used to do for my husband. Does he feel loved? Sure. But, I want him to know that after Christ, he is my everything. I want him to know he is my priority, that he has my heart, occupies my thoughts, and is in my dreams.

So, how does a “pulled-in every direction” wife let her man know this?
By seeking him.

I’ve been praying, “Lord, show me how to seek my husband, please! Give me practical ideas to make sure he knows how special he is to me.” Here are a few things He revealed to me:

1. The Lord has given me an amazing library of great books by Godly woman. I’ve read most of them…..about 15 years ago! Some I’ve never even read! I posted about my reading goals and one of them is to read the book Romance in Marriage. Well, I’m halfway through it and it is an amazing book! It’s making me to see things that I’ve forgotten and has helped me to be a little more creative, too! Proverbs 12:15 says, “He that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” So, the Lord has given some Godly counsel to me, through the authors of these books….it’s time I read them again!

2. To seek my husband means I’m going to be by his side, right there with him. Now, I know it’s not possible to be with our husbands 24/7. Times apart are necessary but absence does make the heart grow fonder! Now that we are on the mission field Patrick and I find that we are together a lot! We do like it this way but sometimes it’s easy to be in the same house yet not truly be together. We see each other all throughout the day, go on visitation together, work the ministry together but there hasn’t been that meaningful time together. Know what I mean? This is why we have to purposely make meaningful times together actually happen. You know what kind of times I mean. The times when you’re not talking about kids, or finances. Times when you laugh, giggle, flirt, and just look at one another. Make those times happen. If that means staying up a little later, then do it! If it means putting aside something you’ve been wanting to get to all day so you can have those moments, then do it! Look for opportunities to be with your husband and just flirt with him. ..and don’t forget to pray for those opportunities, too!

3. Like what your husband likes. When we first got married I wasn’t so crazy about football. I loved the excitement of going to games and the anticipation of eating the junk food, but as for the game itself, I had no clue! One year I made it a resolution to read the book Football for Dummies. I learned the basic rules of the game and what the refs were raising their hands about. I found out that I actually like football. (Well, I tend to like the story behind the player more than the game…I actually posted about it!) The main point is, I’m with Patrick. I’m liking what he likes. I’m seeking to be with him. I do have to praise the Lord that there are no deer on St. Barths, though. I’ve never really enjoyed the thought of hunting Bambi! Work your hardest to have a connection with what he likes and what interests him.

4. Remember all the creative things you did when you were dating and first married, and do them again! Write notes to him, bring him a cool drink while he’s mowing the yard, hand him the tools while he works on the car, make him his favorites. Seek to show him that you think about him….a lot! (and when you do these things throughout the day, don’t forget to “bat an eye” and make it fun!)

5. Praise him. Talk about all his good things to other people. Tell the kids what an amazing Dad they have. Whisper in his ear how cute he is. Seek for opportunities to build up your man. It’s your job and you don’t want anyone else to steal that job from you!

As I read of the Proverbs 31 woman, and of the husband-wife relationship in Song of Solomon, I can’t help but see the desire this lady had for her man. She puts forth a lot of effort to make him feel loved. In return, her husband praises her! Wow! What a benefit! What lady doesn’t want to hear sweet compliments from her man? Seeking does take effort. It takes forethought and planning. It can be tiring at times, but we will find that in seeking our husband that the Lord will gives us joy in our hearts for our man. We will have a fire for him that we’ve forgotten about. The benefits of our seeking are some that I can’t live without!


  1. I know what you mean about feeling guilty that you don't do all the things you used to do. It's true that we should do all we can, but when you did all those things when you were first married, you didn't have 5 children and one on the way, you weren't living on the mission field with all the work that goes with that ministry, you weren't homeschooling . . . all that to say, life brings changes and seasons. Someday you will have the time to do more again. If your husband is anything like mine, he doesn't expect that level of pampering at this point in your life. He is happy that you are busy together. And based on what I see on your blog - which I know is what you allow us to see - you are still putting him first and making special times for the two of you! I know the tendency of women is to feel guilty, but think on the true things I've just mentioned! Sorry this was so long! I just wanted to encourage you!

  2. I had to smile when I saw your stack of books because I have nearly every title you do!

    Thank you for another great post, Kami.